(this counterfeit episode handbook first and foremost appeared in LET’S ANIME #1, published in 1992. It’s fully counterfeit in every diagram, and was written because anime fandom at the time simply couldn’t shut up about the prove. Finally this prove day no one remembers it in any respect. Ha ha.)
NADIA EPISODE GUIDE: SECRET OF BLUE WATER
Editor’s label: In tell to adapt to a little-known provision of the sizzling nuclear hands proliferation treaties with the Soviet Union, it has been determined that every Japanese anime fanzine MUST characteristic an episode handbook to the sizzling Gainax-produced NHK anime series ‘Nadia within the Mysterious Ocean’s Blue Waters of the Sea of Questionable Thriller Arena of the $23,000 Pyramid”, that pretty series that captured the hearts of lonely Hayao Miyazaki wannabes all over. So, in tell to plan our share to bring about World Peace and Niceness, here we spin.
EPISODE ONE: “A GIRL, A TOWER, A JEWEL, THE INDIGESTION OF LOVE’S MIGHTY FLAME!!”
In Paris, 1888, nothing happens.
One year later, all via the 1889 Paris World’s Exposition, a young inventor named Jean-Claude van Paul-Jacques-Louis Robespierre Napoleon XVIII, along with his aging mentor “Pops” Racer, waft up the Seine in a rented barge, alive to to encourage the most standard meeting of the Paris chapter of the “Man Changed into once Never Intended To Hover” club and blow their gain horns their most modern anti-flying machine. Within the meantime, the Impressionist painter Claude Monet awakens with intestinal gas disaster and decides to no longer encourage the Exposition finally, which is correct since he isn’t on this series anyway. Taking a break from the hilarious festivities of fellows who never supposed to flit, Jean-Paul visits the Eiffel Tower and meets a mysterious young girl named Nadia Skywalker, sole possessor of a ambitious mysterious gem of mystery and chance, the Hope Diamond. On the assorted hand, she trades the Hope in for one other gem, the “Blue Water Of 1000 Flushes”. Nadia is additionally the final descendant of the royal family of the lost city of Laputa, and as such is being chased by the depraved authorities agent Particular Mooska (oops, irascible prove)… is the final descendant of the lost city of ATLANTIS, and is being chased by particular agent 0073 Grandes “Chesty” Morgan and her two henchmen Inky and Miniature. In a fierce difference atop the Eiffel Tower, Nadia runs away.
The very next day Nadia is captured by Grandes in her colossal reworking Japanese robotic, but is rescued by Jean, who parts out rather rightly in a line later edited from the closing version that the issues haven’t even been invented yet.
Within the meantime, Nikolai Tesla discovers that uncommon radio emissions from the planet Mars are interrupting his weekly recordings of the publicizes of Casey Kasem’s “American High 40”.
EPISODE TWO:
Rerun of episode one.
EPISODE THREE: “GODZILLA VERSUS THE RIDDLE OF THE SEA MONSTERS!!!!!”
Resulting from the rerun it was never shown, but in episode two it was published that Nadia, truly the Crown Prince of Austria-Hungary in conceal, was attempting to protect the starting of the First World Battle on schedule by sending compromising photos of British High Minister Palmerston to the New York On each day foundation Put up. As WWI begins on schedule twenty five years later, it looks to contain labored. Within the meantime the nuclear submarine Polaris destroys Grandes’ mechanical machine, forcing her to count on her backup mecha, a Gundam Worth II, to seize Nadia and return her to the Czechoslovakian Olympic Gymnastics Personnel in time to humiliate the Americans at the 1976 Olympics. On the assorted hand, Jean-Claude Debussy renders the Gundam spin neatly with unnecessary by sending it repeated transmissions of public carrier bulletins by the President’s Commission On Bodily Fitness. Within the meantime, a young Mary Lou Retton watches in dismay.
Captain Nemo, owner of a trim seafood restaurant chain, gets disgusted with sinful desk manners and decides to retaliate with his very gain atomic sub. He captures Nadia and Jean-John as they vacation at Club Med, and plans to make spend of the Blue Water to extend vacationer attendance at the “20,000 Leagues Under The Sea” plod at Disneyworld, but is told by an irate Michael Eisner to “spin soak his head.” Within the meantime in Vienna, a young Adolph Hitler warns the Academy if they don’t let him watch painting, he’ll originate World Battle Two.
Later, Jean forgets to tie his shoe, trips over the lace, and dies, but is revived by Nadia and the Blue Water gem.
EPISODE FOUR:
Here’s a rerun of episode two, which was a rerun of episode one. New scenes of Nixon’s resignation speech are added to up the ratings.
EPISODE FIVE: “A REAL WORKOUT FOR THE NAUTILUS!”
In 1991 Tokyo, NHK screenwriters Haro Genki and Hawaya Nistamicha are fired for their nasty pun. Within the meantime aid in 1889 Europe, Russia and Japan open the Russo-Japanese Battle twelve years before schedule, fully pre-empting the Spanish-American Battle. This forces William Randolph Hearst to catch his newspapers with susceptible reprints of excerpts from Issac Asimov’s autobiography. Disgusted with the print medium, the American public waits impatiently for the miracle of tv. On board the Nautilus, Electra discovers she is pregnant, which is queer since she doesn’t contain intercourse till episode 22. Here’s data to Captain Nemo, who has been busy attacking the South Pacific Lodge of the Benevolent And Protective Notify Of Particular Mooses, to create help watch over of their precious provides of cheap imitation gimmicks, to no longer mention gee-gaws, knick-knacks, and bric-a-brac. Within the meantime in Boston, Jean and Nadia birth a puny boutique, which does effectively till it’s destroyed by Grandes and her mates Chester and Joe in their original mecha, the SDF-1 Macross.
Within the ensuing fight Jean trips over a bustle bump and dies, but Nadia brings him aid to life with the indispensable powers of the Blue Water gem and an right five cent fountain Coca-Cola.
EPISODES SIX TO TWENTY-ONE:
Reruns of episodes #1 and #2 edited collectively with clips from the 1991 TV movie “Knight Rider 2000” along with highlights of contemporary episodes of “The USA’s Funniest Dwelling Movies”. Hosted by Lorne Green and particular musical visitors, the Judds.
EPISODE TWENTY TWO: “YAMATO! WHAP THAT MOTHER!”
Grandes discovers her investments in IBM stock and Hartford Mutual contain led to holdings of over ten million francs, which in right money is about twelve greenbacks. Incensed, she assaults Jean and Nadia, now residing in a ramshackle apartment in Duluth, with every the Grandizer and Gigantic Mazinger robots, but is staggered with Jean counterattacks by revealing his simply identification of Devilman and ripping her head off, within the approach discovering that Grandes was in actuality Count Decapita in inch, the right Grandes being on vacation.
Within the meantime on board the Nautilus Electra provides delivery to twins, discovering that she was merely the surrogate mother to embryos which can also very effectively be the treasure formative years of Jackie Onassis and susceptible New York Yankees shortstop and Cash Store spokesman Phil Rizzuto. Electra provides them up for adoption and guarantees to pay extra attention to her reproductive organs next time.
Captain Nemo, procuring for his lost tube of moustache wax, discovers a laser-disc of the Doris Wishman movie “Terrifying Ladies Scoot To Hell”. This he uses in his assault against the North Atlantic chapter of the Liberace fan club, which retaliates by transmitting episodes of “Dark Shadows” with nerve-racking audio drops going down about every ten seconds. Since tv has yet to be invented, neither facet is harmed.
Jean falls off a transferring U-Haul truck, breaks his neck, and dies, but Nadia revives him with the Blue Water gem and plenty of kilos of pure, uncut cannabis.
EPISODES TWENTY-THREE TO THIRTY-SIX:
These episodes were replaced by reruns of episodes three, seven, nine, and sixteen, edited collectively and launched by Sally Jesse Raphael, with a brand original soundtrack by the Bay City Rollers.
EPISODE THIRTY-SEVEN: “THERE SHE WAS JUST A WALKIN’ DOWN THE STREET, SINGIN’ DOO-WAH DIDDY DIDDY DUM DIDDY DOO.”
Here’s truly an episode of “Rat Patrol” with voices from “Secret Of Blue Water” dubbed over; the results of an evening of heavy drinking over at Streamline Images. In Japan this was replaced by reruns of “Fairy Princess Minky Momo” with voices dubbed in from “Fist Of The North Star” and launched by the solid of “Kamen Rider Ravishing-One” and Carl Macek’s brother Skippy The Glow Authorized reputable.
EPISODE THIRTY-EIGHT: “RESOLUTION OF THE SEVEN HUNDRED REAL ESTATE BROKERS BEFORE THE COMING BATTLE!!!”
Nadia, published as Princess Anastasia of the royal family of Imperial Russia, escapes the Bolshevik Revolution by no longer being there; her alterations store within the rear of JC Penneys in Bossier City Louisiana is destroyed when Grandes and the total solid of “Urusei Yatsura”, brainwashed into believing that Nadia is admittedly Madoka from “Orange Avenue”, assault with giant robots from “Dougram”, “L. Gaim”, “Xabungle”, and “Psycho Armor Govarion, within the approach fully wrecking the Pecanland Mall. Nadia escapes in a Federal Reveal truck, whereas Jean rams a Lockheed C-5A cargo jet into Grandes’ Immoral Your Coronary heart bra, inflicting a big atomic explosion. The most indispensable society of “guys with pointy masks” assaults the Nautilus, destroying it fully, which depresses Captain Gloval (whoops, irascible prove) Captain NEMO, till he realizes that he’s obtained one other one safe at dwelling within the garage.
After the nuclear blast, Jean trips on a pebble and dies; Nadia revives him with the Blue Water gem and plenty of aid concerns with “The Stark Fist Of Removal.”
EPISODE THIRTY-NINE: “THREE MILLION BUCKS OF WHITEY’S ICE; AND BABY… THAT’S COLD!”
The total remnant of the continent of Atlantis, along with the indispensable society of “guys with pointy masks” and the Omaha chapter of the Cartoon/Fantasy Organization, assaults Nadia, Jean, and the Nautilus with a robotic double of Nadia’s lengthy lost twin brother Shecky, who recites sinful poetry and has questionable desk manners. Jean takes a 75-millimeter howitzer blast to the sternum and dies, but is revived by Nadia and the Blue Water gem along with a free trial subscription to Nationwide Geographic Journal. The Nautilus turns into a remodeling robotic that is subsequently taken over by Grandes, who, in her original Maidenform bra, dreams she conquers the field, till her companions Frank and Steve thwart her plans by declaring their timeless treasure for every diverse and procuring a home collectively.
Jean uses his original flying machine to flee the fight but is shot down and killed by a particle beam fired from an orbiting “Star Wars” dying-ray laser. On the assorted hand, Nadia revives him with the Blue Water gem and a coupon for 50 cents off any dessert merchandise at Dairy Queen, whereas provides final. Deros from the Gap Earth, along with their Aluminum Nazi Hell Creature allies, put the remnants of the Mu continent civilization, and The USA and Spain judge to pass ahead and help the Spanish-American Battle.
Captain Nemo shaves his head in preparation for auditioning for the job of Captain Picard’s stand-in on “Star Trip”, whereas Electra stands round and makes detrimental observations, the entire whereas unaware that she has been secretly impregnated with the offspring of susceptible Secretary Of The Treasury Bert Lance and “Hee-Haw” giant title Minnie Pearl.
In a ideal finale, the Earth is blown off its axis by “unheard of magnetic weapons grand extra unheard of than atomic bombs”, which elevate the ocean diploma and slay all people on Earth immediately, including Jean. On the assorted hand, Nadia lives, and utilizing the Blue Water gem and plenty of acts no longer excellent for publication in a family journal, she brings Jean aid to life, and collectively they change into the Adam and Eve of a brand original mankind. The pause.
Wow! What a superbly usual and innovative prove! In actual fact a pleasure to gaze, particularly the effectively-known scene in episode #18 the put the colossal robotic “Bob” Dobbs is hurled off the cliff by the ability of the exploding bananas. How we laughed!
Rumor has it that the Gainax gang is exhausting at work on a sequel, tentatively titled “Nadia II – Secret Of The Blue Ooze”, featuring beforehand unreleased photos from the major series, edited collectively with movie of the Kennedy assassination and the 1968 Elvis “comeback” TV particular. We are able to rarely wait!!!
-Dave Merrill
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